This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
