please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize