please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Shitshow foam night was such a success
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize