Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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