guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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