i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
