after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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