We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
