tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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