I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
