just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
