my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
