I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
