life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
This is the high leading the old right now
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
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