i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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