Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just high enough for therapy.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
