before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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