Sry I called you an 8
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
