Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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