dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
