Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
