At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
