Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
