I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
