sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
