you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
