im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Randomize
