i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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