if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize