that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
