Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
