I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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