Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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