Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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