The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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