you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
