Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize