haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
