on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
