it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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