I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
