Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
