new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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