Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
