she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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