take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
