I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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