The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
this will be a night to untag.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
