I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Threesome in a minivan. New low
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
We have started to decorate penises.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
