My liver just broke up with me...
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
