i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
