I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
