The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
