Your face is a jimmy john
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
