dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize