Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
