living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
