the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
