eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
