i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
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