well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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