we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
