dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
