Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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