LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
