JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize