I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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