I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
