its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize