If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
