I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
