Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
